i've ran out of paint.. need to pick up some poster colours.. have been wanting to do some painting.. already did one.. wanna do more

until then

im going to continue the book im planning to write.. writing is good purgatory..

going to the frigging canadian high commission tml again because they messed up my photos so i have to go down and get them new ones.. gah.. visting vicky at her workplace tml and picking up mom's birthday present for this sun.. then going to school to finish up the E things.. hate going to school.. hate coming across so needy like i really want them to ask me to do something (which i do but its not good when its too obvious).. sigh.. so shall cut off most ties with school i guess.. soon..

going to wear my dress to the frigging high commission.. (: see whether they'll still treat me the same snobby way..

writing feels good.. but i really need to paint.. though i have been out of touch for like 3 years.. shall buy paint tml..

yes im back after a whole load of exams..

and deviantart wont load my deviations.. gah

seriously.. this is prob just the lowest lowest i have ever felt.. or rather lowest of that i can remember..

suddenly feeling so emo.. and wad mr loh said is true.. if we come to sch but dont go for classes.. then wads the point of coming at all.. might as well stay at home..

and then i automatically answer how i feel just so suffocated.. that the only time i have for myself is during sch..

and then now i ask myself..

wad do i come to sch for? like seriously..

sigh.

im just exhausted..

and im grateful he let me off pe today.. especially when i told him i was going to walk my 2.4..

the last sentence of my last post had nothing to do with syf.. on the contrary.. it was refering to someone from the other half of my life.. but since i'm not raving mad now.. there's no inspiration for me to further rant on.. so i shall move on with my life..

which leaves me pretty hormonal at this point of time..

i went to watch midsummer's nights dream by srt at fort canning park with drama pple.. and omg.. it was just so fantabulous.. their kisses.. omg.. the gestures and body language between lovers.. is was so gorgeous.. haha.. now i have new moves to try my (poor and defenseless) new radames, issac.. haha.. oh well.. u only have 2 more months to love me.. might as well make it extravagant (:

and i dunno.. suddenly i felt the immediate need to have a boyfriend.. (well hey i said i was hormonal).. like.. laura and henryk.. they are like the world's most perfect couple.. and i really envy that..

and for all its worth.. i suddenly want like a drama boy.. u know? someone who understand ur dramatic emtional needs and vice versa.. and someone for me to swoon over when he's on stage.. and then at the end of the show.. jump down from the stage and into the audience.. find me and kiss me like there was no tomorrow..

(i said i was hormonal)

and sadly.. that probably wont happen.. sigh..

and as i watch my friends slowly one by one get attached within drama.. i just watch and envy..

oh well.

like i said im being hormonal..

oh and i talked to tubby already.. surprising how when i went to look for him.. i couldnt even remember why i was there looking for him.. and for some weird reason.. i just felt better after toking to him.. maybe its just a mental thing..

and i went on my virgin experience to get drunk.. which failed miserably.. but i did have enuff to not be able to walk in a straight line (see i admit i wasnt walking straight ok).. and was frightfully feeling happy haha which was fun.. and became really really red.. but it was fun.. we should do it more often..

had a talk with my dad again.. i love me dad.. he's such an inspiration to me.. now i plan to follow my dreams and take drama at UBC as a major.. and business as a minor..

yup..

being hormonal is not good.. it makes u desperate.. (: will not be hormonal haha

why did you let us sing it when u knew it was going to overtime? why? how could you watch the effort of the whole frigging choir go to waste just to prove that ur theory was right?? that moral values are more important in this world than winning?

i know yeah its right to be morally upright about things.. but.. this is just too much.. the thing is we deserved a gold with honours.. we DESERVED A FUCKING GOLD WITH HONOURS.. but we didnt get it

why?

because our teachers felt that the music was more important.. more important than rules..

i know it is.. i felt it too.. and i understand it.

THEN WHY FUCKING JOIN COMPETITIONS WHEN YOU BLATANTLY SAY U FUCKING DISLIKE COMPETITIONS?? WHY JOIN IT WHEN YOU SAY THINGS LIKE THERE SHOULDNT BE TIME LIMITS!?! WHY SAY MUSIC CANT BE JUDGED IN JUST 8MINUTES WHEN YOU SIGN US UP FOR THE FUCKING COMPETITION!?!?!

i trusted you.. the whole fucking choir trusted you.. all of us.. every single one of us.. we trusted you.. we trusted that you knew what u were doing.. but yet.. u chose the songs for us.. u chose to do the songs when u knew that it would exceed the time limit.. but why? WHY?!?! if you wanna join a competition.. then fucking follow the rules!!

i understand where u all are coming from.. i do.. but.. but its just so difficult following it when the whole world doesnt work this way.. why are we being so stubborn.. and stupid?

which is why its so diffuclt for me.. i understand your teachings.. thats why i cried last night.. touched by the sincerity of all your words.. cried because i understood what u were trying to teach.. cried because the j1s are finally understanding your teachings..

but is it all going to pot? because of how the world works?

i dont know.. i dont know what to think.. im hearing so many different opinions.. wanting to agree with so many but can only to one..

...

...

and please.. stop whining about your life..